I don't know why this crap has to repeat itself over and over again. I'll probably sound like an arse for saying this and there are people who lead worse lives..but it's my life and I know what I'm going through..so this has to be said. Why can't my life be normal for a change? Why must all these shitty complications seep in? WHY? Why must you do this to us? Because of you grown ups us kids have to suffer. What's with this awkward tension you're creating? So many whys huh. Oh well this has been bugging me for the past 1 month or so. Have to get it out.
For quite a while now of my close relatives is behaving really weirdly and a few others are acting weird too and this is creating an awkward tension within my family. Worst part is it's making communication between us kids weirder. I can hardly get to meet my cousins. I miss them a lot, but I think my little brother misses them even more since he doesn't have anyone to play with these days. Sure you can say he's got me...but I've been so busy with my exams coming up and all.....I hardly get to spend much time with him. Plus since we moved to a new place, don't have a tv yet and he's not supposed to play games on the computer all the time. Even though we share the same room we don't get to play games or do much together nowadays. Though I still try to talk with him as much as possible. But I do miss those fun evenings when us 5 would play some board game, talk, laugh and just have a great time together. And here I thought now that we moved and are a lot closer we'd be able to visit each other more often...but guess what? The opposite happens. We hardly get to meet...ever I:< Dang grown ups and their silly schemes. Stop friggin making life awkward for us kids :< As if life ain't weird enough as it is.
And I hardly get to meet any of my friends either. Either they live too far, too busy or just live abroad. Having friends come over to your place regularly is like stuff you hear in legends for me. Having them come over once is like too good to be true. Getting to meet em is also the same. That's how it is for me. And now that I hardly go to school I don't get to meet anyone. I miss the fun times I used to have in school, mind you I had a lotta crappy times at school too...but then obviously I wouldn't think fondly of those times right? I miss the times I spent with my friends at school, miss eating tiffin at school, miss drawing at school...and miss doing school homework even. Wow heh. My A-level experience has been shitty, I kid you not. And after my O-levels I though A-levels would be even better, the teachers would be more serious and be more willing to teach...couldn't have been more wrong. They were even worse, would hardly teach stuff in school. And slowly people stopped attending classes. Me and my friend would often be the only people going to class...then the classes hardly happened. Then even we stopped going to school...it was tough for me to do that but when school wasn't like school anymore what use was of me going there to everyday? Out of bitterness I stopped going to school. And I hate coaching so couldn't be arsed to go there either. So where do I go?
Well I stay at home all day is what. Which is fine an all that but sheesh .... I just miss everyone a lot...my friends, my cousins. It's been so long. Been feeling so detached from everything. Miss doing stuff I like on the computer too without having to get worried about being busted....like playing games, reading books, comics, animating, doodling, etc etc. The internet is supposed to help you keep in touch with your friends, but how does one keep in touch when people either don't come online or don't reply? Ah don't mind me, I'm just ranting here. I guess I've just been stuck in the A-level loop for too long. Can't wait till my exams finish. My brain's just in a knot right now I think. I guess I'll just do nothing and doodle complete random stuff all day for a few days and play games and do nothing much and just relax and let my mind untie all the knots by itself. Yeahh.
But for now I gotta remind myself, this time won't come back to me so I gotta make the best out of it and make sure to learn all the stuff and get my subject revisions done before my exams start. So that I don't feel like I could've studied a bit more during my exams. Because that feeling sucks. Normally I can't be bothered to worry about my results, but that nagging feeling is indeed quite annoying. So yeah I gotta get my revision done. But I'm glad I took some time out to write this because I feel a lot better after getting it all out. This stuff has been churning in my mind for a while now and I couldn't take it anymore. So had to let it out.
I guess everything will be okay, just a matter of time. But it seems to be taking quite a while till my exams finish heh. Oh well.
