It's been a bit of a weird balance so far, trying to hold on and let go at the same time. Holding on to the things you believe in, holding onto the things you love....and trying to let go of certain attachments. Attachments that seemingly don't do you any good. Attachment towards things that are seemingly none of your business. Best to let go of them right? RIGHT?
You care for people a lot, but there's really no need to care for what they do right? But what if their actions have an impact on you and others around you? What then?
Yeah...I said trying because it hasn't been easy so far. Everyday I wake up and think I'll accomplish such and such...but I don't know what's up with me anymore.....my emotions seem to go down this weird rollercoaster ride throughout the day. One moment I feel really happy and then next moment I realise what an insignificant piece of trash I am. No matter how much of a big fuss folks make about me, I'll know who I really am.
Whether you take me for an attention seeker or just some dumbass is none of my business. No matter how much people judge you, you're probably the only one who should atleast not. Judge. Yourself. Because you know what you feel, what you've been and are going through. What you're trying to do and what you're not. You know who you are and that is all that matters, right? Guess so.
As I keep walking through the abyss that is life, I realise that maybe certain things are better left unsaid. Unheard. Unseen. What does it matter anyway? I keep wishing I hadn't heard certain things, hadn't seen certain things and hadn't said certain things.
Today my right hand got injured from a weird mishap. I was trying to stop a quarrel of sorts...and it kinda backfired. Now my right hand aches so much, it's tough to bend my fingers, exert any force with them or do anything much aside from tap lightly. And until that time I was having a pretty okay day..as far as days go. But at that point in time, my emotions got all messed up and suddenly I felt awful. The whole moment was just that. Awful.
After a while things calmed down, but the aftermath was there. My hand and the bruise on my right index finger. Every time I look at it I get this weird pang...I don't want any of this to happen. I just want things to be normal for a change. I'm just a normal kid who likes to draw and stuff. That really is about it. I just wanna be in my happy place and draw, animate and write the story ideas that I get in my head...
But..with my emotions going haywire on a day to day basis, it's tough to find the peace of mind at any right moment where I can just sit and do that. Either I have one thing or the other to do or I feel like crap....and then by the time the day is over I end up feeling meh yet again. Weird phase...maybe it'll go away or maybe I'll learn to adapt to it..ah.
If anyone asks me how am I doing right now, I usually reply with a I'm okay or I'm alive. But how am I doing indeed? If I ask myself, how would I answer?
I'd say that I'm trying to hold on and trying to let go. I'm trying to find myself again in this chaotic abyss. I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm trying to be myself again.
This post could be a lot longer and I could keep rantin on but nevermind. All I can keep doing is continue to try to find balance within myself...there, half way through the first quarter of the year and I've already nearly forgotten about that. So I guess I'll have to remember that. No matter what who does or says, I'll have to remember to keep on my quest to find balance within. And to find happiness within the things I enjoy and not worry too much about the crap happening around. And to take in the positivity around and focus on it as opposed to the negativity.
Guess I should stop dwelling on certain thoughts and things..and let go.
Ah letting go..y u so tough?
Oh well..
Till next time,
Moony
You care for people a lot, but there's really no need to care for what they do right? But what if their actions have an impact on you and others around you? What then?
Yeah...I said trying because it hasn't been easy so far. Everyday I wake up and think I'll accomplish such and such...but I don't know what's up with me anymore.....my emotions seem to go down this weird rollercoaster ride throughout the day. One moment I feel really happy and then next moment I realise what an insignificant piece of trash I am. No matter how much of a big fuss folks make about me, I'll know who I really am.
Whether you take me for an attention seeker or just some dumbass is none of my business. No matter how much people judge you, you're probably the only one who should atleast not. Judge. Yourself. Because you know what you feel, what you've been and are going through. What you're trying to do and what you're not. You know who you are and that is all that matters, right? Guess so.
As I keep walking through the abyss that is life, I realise that maybe certain things are better left unsaid. Unheard. Unseen. What does it matter anyway? I keep wishing I hadn't heard certain things, hadn't seen certain things and hadn't said certain things.
Today my right hand got injured from a weird mishap. I was trying to stop a quarrel of sorts...and it kinda backfired. Now my right hand aches so much, it's tough to bend my fingers, exert any force with them or do anything much aside from tap lightly. And until that time I was having a pretty okay day..as far as days go. But at that point in time, my emotions got all messed up and suddenly I felt awful. The whole moment was just that. Awful.
After a while things calmed down, but the aftermath was there. My hand and the bruise on my right index finger. Every time I look at it I get this weird pang...I don't want any of this to happen. I just want things to be normal for a change. I'm just a normal kid who likes to draw and stuff. That really is about it. I just wanna be in my happy place and draw, animate and write the story ideas that I get in my head...
But..with my emotions going haywire on a day to day basis, it's tough to find the peace of mind at any right moment where I can just sit and do that. Either I have one thing or the other to do or I feel like crap....and then by the time the day is over I end up feeling meh yet again. Weird phase...maybe it'll go away or maybe I'll learn to adapt to it..ah.
If anyone asks me how am I doing right now, I usually reply with a I'm okay or I'm alive. But how am I doing indeed? If I ask myself, how would I answer?
I'd say that I'm trying to hold on and trying to let go. I'm trying to find myself again in this chaotic abyss. I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm trying to be myself again.
This post could be a lot longer and I could keep rantin on but nevermind. All I can keep doing is continue to try to find balance within myself...there, half way through the first quarter of the year and I've already nearly forgotten about that. So I guess I'll have to remember that. No matter what who does or says, I'll have to remember to keep on my quest to find balance within. And to find happiness within the things I enjoy and not worry too much about the crap happening around. And to take in the positivity around and focus on it as opposed to the negativity.
Guess I should stop dwelling on certain thoughts and things..and let go.
Ah letting go..y u so tough?
Oh well..
Till next time,
Moony
